I never had the luxury or the honor of going through any kind of an official ceremony that declared me to be a man. I would suspect that would be the case for many of us. That holds nothing bad against my dad or any of the parents of previous generations. I think it was just assumed that you knew. My father's generation didn't have the tools needed to truly raise kids. They did the best they could with what they had to work with, but I really think they had to leave a lot to chance or pure luck. I think they tried to teach the principles in life that were taught to them like hard work, loyalty and even generosity, but they didn't really pass on everything that it took so that in the end a boy truly knew when he became a man. This to me is the biggest explanation for why society sees boys doing the things that they do so they can prove to others and more importantly to themselves that they are a man. Boys end up getting into trouble or at a very minimum try things that they shouldn't just because they are trying to prove that they have become a man. Boys drink, smoke, have sex, shoot guns, drive fast, etc. all to prove to others and themselves that they can, that they have become a man.
There are at least 29 teens of prominence in the Bible. Some of them did great and wonderful things in their teen age years that projected them into even more prominence in adulthood. Some of these examples include Joseph, David, Mary, Samuel and even Moses. Their stories are discussed especially in the book of Genesis in the Bible others even have entire books in the Bible describing their great feats. Some of those teens were exemplified in the stories just because they were so young like Daniel, Shadrach, Meschach, and Abednego. Their stories can be read about in the book of Daniel in the Bible. And there were others that were mentioned and never really discussed again because of their life changing or even ending such as in the story of Cain and Abel. Most of these stories talk about how these and the others not listed here that were equally great performed acts of heroism or bravery. I think it's important for kids today to examine the feats the teens of the Bible performed. to give them the inspiration needed to go out and do the same sorts of things in today's society. My goal is to write a book detailing these feats to let today's kids know what they could be doing with their lives to project themselves into a bright future. A future destined to please God and to develop the characteristics that God looks for so they can be declared to be an adult.
T.D, Jakes is one of the more prominent African-American pastors, speaker and author in the U.S. today. He tells a story of how a father's duty in raising a son is very similar to archery. The bow and the quiver are the tools he uses to train up his son in the way he should go. The boy is the arrow that the archer projects toward the target of life. Once he hits the target he is a man. Robert Lewis is an author and pastor who wrote a book called Raising a Modern Day Knight. This book was my reference and guide to developing steps towards a rite of passage for my sons into adulthood. Lewis' book lays out steps for a father to take in teaching his son Biblical principles so that he grows up to be a true man of God. The book culminates in going through an actual ceremony in three or four phases of life so the father can ultimately declare his son to be a true man of God, an official adult. Another Pastor, Dr. Charles (Chuck) Stecker is the founder of A Chosen Generation and has his own version of a rite of passage. This is a group passage for teens of a church to be welcomed into adulthood of the local church. This passage allows them to be included into even the decision-making process of a church. This assures them of a continued participation in church life. Many kids are "forced" to go to church but when they get older are given a choice as to whether or not they do go. Many of them do not choose to go in their teen years and that's when they get into trouble. By having a church body welcome the teens into the church family of adults they tend to feel part of the church more.
I am in the planning stages of putting the next step in the rite of passage for Jake together because he will turn 16 in October. There is nothing legalistic about any of this as to exactly when you need to do this with your sons. These are merely guidelines. As he gets older I will put even more responsibility on him, but along with that comes more freedom. It's up to me to lay the groundwork and set the boundaries. I will be more forceful in the challenges I set before him to put him on a path to be a true man of God. The final phases will be geared more towards setting goals and talking to him about real life issues to prepare him for the real life ahead of him. When it is all over and I can truly declare him a man, Lewis describes in his book a ceremony of presenting the new man with the full armor of God. I intend on presenting my sons with actual armor and explain to them what each piece means as to what the Bible says about putting on the full armor of God. This will prepare him to ward off the arrows and attacks in life. As a knight I will officially declare to him he is a man.
If any one would like any more of the details involved with my specific process.,please feel free to ask and I would be thrilled to discuss it with you. If you want o read more about this information Lewis and Stecker's books are available on line in in Christian book stores. I just feel it is so important to let our kids know what is expected from them and to declare that they are men. If they know who they are in God's eyes maybe they won't have to do the things others think they have to do to try to prove that they are a man.
